I’m writing a serious blog today. It’s one of the rare occasions when I haven’t added a fictional element to the narrative as I am hoping that getting a few things off my chest proves to be a cathartic experience.
It has to be said, as I sit here on the first day of Autumn watching next doors cat trying to catch a fly in the garden, I’m not feeling like writing something light hearted. I bet the fly isn’t in the best of moods either with that mad cat hassling it!
You normally see the cat chasing birds, so I assume it must be on an all fly diet! …….. As long it doesn’t go veggie and eat all my shrubs and bedding plants, I’m fine with it!
Another rubbish sleep has resulted in chronic tiredness and lethargy. I don’t feel like writing a blog but I have to remain disciplined, as it is one of the few uplifting things in my life at the minute.
I must say, though, it’s heartening to see that Karen is, at last, embracing the treatments and palliative care available from MacMillan Cancer Support. Apart from scans, blood tests and undertaking treatment to stabilise her tumours, which undertaken by the excellent staff at the Bexley Wing, her strategy to deal with living with cancer has been to plough an almost lone furrow of self denial.
That’s fine if its helping her cope and this approach bore fruit. However, it has been clear for a while that the path she was taking required re-routing, as duty of care, to allow some assistance from people in the cancer support network.
She now sees what I’ve seen for a while and has engaged, through her MacMillan nurse, both counselling and a variety of relaxation treatments.
This approach is a very brave and positive step She will now be getting support and advice of people who are trained in this field. This is opposed to being advised by negative people, who have never lived through this situation and frankly haven’t a clue what they are talking about!
It is something I’ve advocated to her for a while. Get support from the groups with experience in the field, who are well informed and will guide/advise positively. NOT negative people who have no experience and predominantly spend their time telling you about their much less serious problems!
For example, a member of her family (she will remain nameless), who has been to see her only once in nearly five years, recently underwent a minor operation to remove a cancerous growth on her skin.
Despite receiving no support from this risible person, Karen, who has incurable cancer, went to look after and support her post operation. You couldn’t make it up! It is a difficult enough thing to live with without support of that nature!
Ironically enough, that person is one of the people that like to advice her on coping with this rancid illness! I will never forgive people like that!
Counsellors say you have to forgive people before you can move on, which I agree Is the correct strategy. However, I am not going to forgive people who don’t see the error of their ways, who continue making the disgraceful decisions.
Certain people are dead to me now. I don’t need them and, god forbid, if anything did happened to Karen I would never see, speak to or contact with them again!
I know knowledgeable people, whose opinions I respect, would implore me to ‘let it go’ but I can’t! My thoughts on forgiveness are that I will forgive if I want to keep the people in my life…………. In this situation I don’t, simple as!
As I state above, I’m hoping that venting in this blog will be a cathartic experience, that helps me deal with the things that trouble me and assist in the coping and healing process.
I started this blog off saying how heartened I am with he new path Karen has chosen and this ended with a bitter rant from me! I think the conclusions people may draw from it are “He needs blinking counselling more than Karen does! The nutter!”
That’s probably true! I’m not seeking sympathy just an understanding of what exacerbates the difficulty of living with this situation.
I might not seem in a good place, but I am genuinely happy that Karen is getting the proper help she needs now! ….. Honest!………. I’ll hopefully back to a more light hearted read in my next blog!
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