Well we are into the month of May. Only a few shorts days away from social media being inundated with people wishing us ‘Happy Star Wars Day – May the 4th be with you!’
Inspired by the May date jape, I had a think of what other days ‘of celebration’ could potentially manifest themselves in the fifth month in the calendar. I came up with the following:-
‘Happy Cider Day – May the 1st NOT be with you’
‘Happy Irish Toilet Flush Malfunction Day – May the 3rd be with you’
‘Happy German Obstructiveness Day – May the 9th be with you’
‘Happy Race Winners Day – May the 2nd be behind you’
Yes you’re right, I do have too much time on my hands!
This Bank Holiday weekend is a fairly tame time dans maison d’Strachan. Well, apart from the lion in the garage, whose mauling of the postman on Friday proved he can’t be classed as tame at all….. What the hell the postman was doing in our garage I’ll never know!….. I’ll ask him when he comes out of intensive care!
The silence in the home is only broken by the sound of Karen chatting to her twin sister on the phone. They are discussing plans for an up and coming night out to celebrate their 50th birthdays…… Oh, and there is also a growling sound emanating from the garage akin to the start of an MGM movie.
Karen’s sister acts as her advisor. She sees part of her remit in that role as the person to furnish her with lots of patronising advice like “Don’t use an electric fire to warm the bath water” and “Let Gary feed the lion in the garage, the piss taking get!”
I feel really tired this morning. The longevity of my slumber is so short I’m thinking of auditioning it for a part as one of the dwarf’s in the local amdram production of Snow White.
My plans to garden this afternoon appear to be hanging by a shoestring with all the wind, drizzle and the fear of a lion attack when I venture into the garage to get the lawnmower. I don’t mind risking a mauling to get to important things like items from my beer fridge, but for gardening equipment isn’t worth it!
With today being May Day, up and down the country individuals will be rolling up their trouser legs, donning white shirts, tying colourful ribbons onto various limbs and dancing around a maypole.
I read this morning that a local village, Barwick-In-Elmet, can claim the accolade of having the largest maypole in Britain at an impressive 86ft tall. There are so many inappropriate areas I could take this topic if I so desired, but I shall resist the temptation of behaving like a schoolboy!…….. Other than saying “It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with it people of Barwick!”
No one knows exactly the origins of the maypole dance, although it is believed to have its roots in Iron Age Germanic paganism. Call me cynical, but I think if I was dressing like a loon, skipping around a maypole with my trouser legs rolled up I’d want to know why the chuff I was doing it!
Right, I’m off for a shower and to undertake my usual first of the month tasks of turning the calendar over and taking the budgie for a walk.
Happy Cider Day – May the 1st not be with you.