Blogs

Writing To A Deadline

I’ve not got much time to pen todays tome. I’m venturing to the domicile of Strachan senior later this morning to make a start on applying wood preservative to my pater’s garden fencing.

So todays offering of self-indulgent inanity is the hastily written narrative of a bloke who’s clock watching. Not only will I be clock watching, but I’ll be partaking in watch watching, the time on laptop watching and witchy watching.

For the uninitiated witchy watching is a frontier gibberish colloquialism my in-laws use. I’ve no idea what it means, although I suspect it has some to do with the observation of something…. Witches maybe…… Not that there are witches in their fragrant town……. Although then again!!

Anyway their incomprehensible expression included the word watching, a noun I’d utilised repeatedly in paragraph two, so I included it…… It also gave me the opportunity to take a cheap, classless dig at my belle-famille parfumee.

To be fair to my father-in-law, he maybe really articulate. He may just be the victim of some sort of neurological autocorrect that sends out the wrong words, much as your smart phone does.

Image result for writing to deadline

So today’s conditions for scribing are less than perfect. There was no eggs in for my breakfast, I’ve run out of wine gums to give a neurological sugar kick and I’m having to scribe this passage while up against time.

After reading somewhere that all good authors have chicken eggs for breakfast, I have been converted to oeufs pour le petit dejeuner.

I’d never heard of the link between eggs and creative inspiration before, but James Havashight of the Egg Marketing Board, in his paper titled ‘Eggs are chuffing brilliant!’, was quite adamant of this bond.

The late American entertainer Dean Martin once inquisitively crooned ‘How do you like your eggs in the morning?”…… What a nosey get!! …. What the hell did it have to do with him?!

If truth be told I’m not a massive fan of eggs. I can palate scrambled eggs, hard boiled eggs and well done poached eggs. It’s the egg Americans would call ‘over easy’ I struggle with, as I’m not enamoured with runny yolk……. Bloody hell what a boring last couple of sentences……look, you know I’m up against time, give me a break!

Image result for scrambled eggs

Some might ask “Why bother writing a blog today if you’ve not really got time, Gary?”. Others might just ask “Why bother writing a blog ever, Gary?!”

I try to discipline myself to create a narrative of at least 500 words everyday, as it’s imperative I continue with maintaining a daily routine. In particular the positive elements such as writing, which is a great liberation from the more challenging aspects of our family life.

So I have ten minute until 10am, which is the deadline I’ve given myself (I started at 9am). That is significantly less than I give myself when not rushing like a greyhound who hasn’t been given much time to write a blog.

I’d back myself to pen a more professional blog than a greyhound mind you, although he’d catch a hare quicker than me!

I have three more minutes before the deadline arrives. I’m probably short of 500 words, but hey you try writing this random nonsense in an hour and see how you get on!

Right 10am has arrived. Stop writing and put down your pen GJ Strachan!

Im off to treat some fences…… Oh by the way, you in Burnley your flies are open!

Categories: Blogs, fiction, humour

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