Suburban Self-Restraint

My wife Karen attended a masquerade ball yesterday evening at a Leeds city centre hotel. It was an event organised by the charity Little Hiccups, raising funds to provide activity days for children with special needs.

It was a night where she and friends adorned masks, ball gowns and a benevolent outlook, contributing towards the charities overall fundraising synergy.

Looking resplendent in her royal blue evening gown, Karen cut an easy on the eye figure pre-departure. I told her she looked enchanting to which she thanked me, inquiring “What looks best, with or without the mask?”, whilst exhibiting both options.

Sometimes people make an opportunity for an unkind quip too easy. I couldn’t believe, despite knowing me for over 30 years, she’d so recklessly leave herself open to a cutting response. I normally have to work a good deal harder to produce a barbed joke at my spouse’s expense.

On this occasion, though, despite twitching to respond with a cheeky disparaging remark, I abstained from making the obvious (and not very funny) reply of “Definitely with the mask!”

Not long later, while my missus awaited her carriage (well, taxi), I was in a further situation of twitching and lip biting on hearing that amongst the ladies ticket price was a meal, live band and ‘goodie bag’.

God knows why, as it isn’t funny, but I had terrible urge to ask Karen “Would you prefer Bill Oddie, Graeme Garden or Tim Brooke-Taylor in your goodie bag?”. Even if it was funny, a high proportion of individuals wouldn’t get it as won’t have heard of the 1970’s TV comedy ‘The Goodies’.

Yet again, I refrained from sharing my probably unwelcome inanity and moved on swiftly.

Image result for goodies

Was the fact I didn’t want to darken Karen’s mood prior to a rare evening out creating my abnormal self-discipline? Or had I subconsciously developed a gag proof-reader, who was telling me “Look, I’d really not bother, Gary. It’s not funny!”?….. Hopefully both!

Anyway, my masked Mrs left shortly after 6pm in good spirits, helped no doubt by not being subject to my lame quips prior to departure. After she’d left I said to my daughter “Who was that masked woman?”. I got no response from Rachel, although my subconscious proof-reader apologised for nodding off during my comment to my offspring!

I spent the evening listening to Apple Music and watching a movie about the band Oasis, with a bowl of crisps and a glass of wine. To clarify, the movie wasn’t about Oasis with a bowl of crisps and a glass of wine. I suspect the Manchester band had slightly more entertaining evenings than mine in their hey day!….. Not to mention now as well!

Karen returned at 1pm on Sunday morning, waking the whole street with a raucous medley of songs from the movie ‘The Sound of Music’.

Once inside the house, she gleefully told of a night of good food, drink and charitable fundraising games, before handing me the gift a bottle of my favourite Peroni beer. I thanked her for thoughtfulness, although it has to be said, I’d have preferred it if she’d have left the top on. Call me fussy, but I favour a bottle of beer that isn’t half empty and doesn’t contain taxi fluff!

Anyway, we spoke briefly on her return before retiring for the night. It was heartening to see she’d had a good evening, although chuff knows what we are going to do with the Bill Oddie she’s brought home!

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