Tending The Fludles

With the raising of early springtime temperatures, yesterday I managed get my front and back lawns aeriated. Ordinarily I don’t undertake this until mid-April, however this chore priority was raised following last weeks heavy precipitation.

With both lawns seemingly reluctant to relinquish the gallons of water bequeathed by the rainstorms, there was a requirement for a hasty intervention by yours truly and a garden fork.

The feeling of warmth from the solar rays on my face, provided an inner serenity that has been missing since I last used the fork in late October. Like someone sagely once opined “The best things in life are free. Or at least they would be if I could get my jars of marmite gratis.”…….. Yes, you’re right that was me!

On completion of this narrative, I intend to spend a few hours removing dead plant foliage in my borders, allowing the horticularal class of 2017 to flourish unhindered.

garden 1

Hard work now will ensure a healthier, more colourful garden spectacle from April to October, in addition to giving me much needed exercise. A decade ago I was regularly playing five-a-side football and cricket, in the last few years that’s diminished to the occasional walk and gardening exertions.

I need to get back into better shape as for the first time in my life I’ve started to feel my age!….. Thankfully that has manifested yet into acting my age, which would depress me thoroughly.

My wife’s father is a keen gardener, who can turn his hand to anything. Unfortunately for him he can’t turn his mouth to anything. Meaning he can do stuff but can’t eloquently convey how he did it!

In his colloquial frontier gibberish, he incoherently puts down his impressive show of flora and fauna to canzy hawd wazak, gromits, fludles and Grow-more. Despite googling each word, I’m still at a loss into his secret. It will no doubt go with him when he expires…… He’s due to be returned to the library a week on Tuesday.

I shouldn’t be so cynical, after all a few years back he generously gifted Karen a few plant cuttings for our garden. Thanks to him our back yard includes a flourishing snoodle, a hoberman, two niff naffs and a cranbert.

Her mum has also assisted in improving the aesthetics of our jardin. Her odious unwelcoming nature ensures I won’t visit them, leaving me more time to maintain my garden.

Karen’s dad has to ensure his fragrant missus keeps well away from his garden borders, as his shrubs are bloody terrified of her.

The woman has her uses though, as she also frightens the hell out of the weeds, so they legit when she nears.

Also on the plus side, the neighbourhood cats don’t defecate on their property from fear of her and the 101 Dalmatians she keeps in the garage…….. Although, the canine’s have been mysteriously quiet the past few days, since she bought her new fur coat!

Right, I need to bring this tongue in cheek ribbing of my wife’s parents to a halt. After all, this silliness is keeping me from the far more pressing task of tending to the snoodle, a hoberman, two niff naffs and a cranbert!

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