Losing Two Days on a Whisky Diet

The first known batch of Scotch whisky was recorded on this day in 1495, which accredits the first distillation to a Tironensian monk named John Cor. The man of pray a servant in King James IV court, when his majesty resided at Lindores Abbey, Fife.

I’d like to think he stumbled over the drink after being given an objective by James IV to:- “Create a beverage that enchants my regal palate and soothes my soul with intoxication. But be warned monk, if you mix it with cola, thou shalt loseth yon head!”

That of course won’t have happened…….. The monarch loved coke as a mixer, which he quaffed with dry roasted nuts and pizza while he watched the jousting on cable TV.

Before anyone thinks of using any of the information I penned above in a history test, I advise caution. I say this because a significant amount of the detail is fictional.

To assist you with identifying the factually correct elements above there is a very simple rule of thumb. It’s all the words that aren’t made up. Does that help? …. No! …. Never mind.

In all seriousness, though, I felt it prudent to add that disclaimer to highlight my ‘fake news’. Although the fictitious elements are obvious to most, I do receive emails thanking me for the informative nature of my blogs. Some even mention what they have learned from these narratives will be invaluable in their upcoming exams.

It’s probably common sense to most readers that cola drinks didn’t exist in 1495, but you’d be surprised how many take my silliness as gospel truth. I don’t want to be responsible for a 16 year old failing their exams due to them interpreting my blogs as historically valid.

I pen these narratives in an attempt to entertain. Ordinarily, readers know this isn’t a serious factual journal about the various subjects I’ve written on; there are pretty obviously large swathes of fiction incorporated within them.

Most people know, of course, the monologues are written with tongue very firmly planted in cheek. However, if you’re in any doubt don’t pass off any reference in my narratives as being factually correct…… At least, not without further research, or unless you’re not overly bothered about looking a fool!

Anyway, I’ve digressed away from my original subject of today being the 522nd anniversary of the first recorded mention of whisky.

I would imagine my Scottish and Irish ancestors would turn in their graves to hear I very rarely drink whisky. A couple of terrible hangover experiences in my 20’s, the result of over indulging in John Cor’s discovery, left me with a reticence to drink it to excess again.

john cor 2

I know I could just drink it sensibly to negate that, but my ancestors would probably be even more ashamed with that approach than not drinking it at all!

To be fair, the fact it wasn’t a good quality whisky didn’t help the overall experience. I’m pretty sure if I’d have consumed the same quantity of a decent single malt I’d probably still get as drunk, along with being unsuccessful at removing my trousers via my head. However, I suspect my hangover (which lasted two days) wouldn’t have been quite as horrific.

I really should look to rid myself of these whisky demons, treating myself to a good single malt.  I can then raise a glass on the 1st June every year, with a toast to John Cor and his much loved elixir.

Incidentally, does anyone have a good recipe for duck a l’orange?

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