Tomorrow’s Big Decision

The capriciousness that has recently left it’s stench of indecision around chez Strachan, has risen a notch as we get close to tomorrow’s big choice. If your wondering what the stench of indecision is like, it’s not unlike the aroma of a curry…… or is that pizza?!

This Thursday, after weeks of pondering, contemplation and pondering, the big day will eventually be here…… Incidentally, writing the word pondering twice in the sentence above wasn’t an error on my part; I was merely attempting to highlight I’ve done lots of pondering recently.

So tomorrow will be a time for the talking to cease, and me to vacate the metaphorical fence on which I currently perch. I’ve got to say, though, even at this late stage my definitive decision evades me; which gives around 24 hours to cease this deep-rooted procrastination..

The choices aren’t easy, with more research required by yours truly prior to feeling ready to make an informed decision.

For example, before I make my choice I’d like further detail on border control policy, not to mention the personal fiscal implications of selecting each route…….. Yes, I’m finding it a real conundrum deciding whether to drive to the 2017 Scotland Beef Event tomorrow morning. The venue of this agricultural show a three hours drive away in the market town of Earlston, on the Scotland/England borders.

Decisions

According to it’s promotional leafleting ‘The biennial event, organised by the Scottish Beef Association, will focus on the efficient production of beef on a mixed farm and will be hosted by the Stewart family at Fans, Earlston, in Berwickshire.’ The informative pamphlet makes a convincing case to travel, but I need to consider if current oil prices will justify the cost.

The organisers proffer that a warm welcome will be afforded to all event visitors. However, how will this random Sassenach with a Scottish name be greeted? In particular, how will the bovine livestock react to my interminable habit of whistling shrilly at close quarters. I know from an experience at Flamingo Land, Malton, that sea lions aren’t enamoured with that particular pastime.

A few years back, Flamingo Land’s radio commercials had a strapline boasting their theme park was a domain where ‘all your dreams come true’. The seal lion incident above, which occurred when I was a teenager, contradicted this marketing boast……. I can categorically say, I’ve never had a dream where I was growled at aggressively by a seal lion. This reaction deservedly aimed at GJ Strachan for my idiotic close quarter tooting into it’s lughole.

If the cattle react similarly to the seal lion, I could end up causing a Lion King like stampede, with horrible consequences. Some say I should go but just not whistle, however it’s not that easy to achieve as I sometimes slip into it sub-consciously.

It’s too late in the day now, but at one point I was thinking of taking advantage of trade stall opportunities at the Scotland Beef Event. A hair-brained scheme where I’d use the stall to market my aforementioned whistling prowess to visitors to the show.

I wasn’t sure in what capacity I’d utilise my unorthodox vocation. One idea I had was to use my shrill tooting skills to maybe gain employment rounding up sheep on a Melrose farm. Or maybe act as a makeshift reversing alarm for a Galashiels farmer’s tractor.

Due to nagging self-doubt about the rationale of this trade stall epiphany, in addition to a friend bluntly advising “That’s a sodding ridiculous idea!”, I soon shelved all thoughts of that self-promotion strategy…….. Disillusioned, I was starting to find out the hard way how difficult it was to monetise the art of ear piercing whistling!

Tomorrow morning I’ve a big decision to make. Do I embark on a 180 mile venture to Earlston for the 2017 Scottish Beef Event, or…. erm…. errr….. not!

My currently inability to make a decision extends to the other main event on Thursday 8th June, the UK General Election.

I will vote, although I’m currently undecided on the party to select with a ‘X’ on my polling paper. My uncertainty exacerbated by none of the political parties including a manifesto pledge to address the dreadful underfunding of the whistling industry.

I’m sure there’s a gag somewhere about similarities within the Thursday 8th June 2017 events above. I’m thinking along the lines of they both give the chance to dispose of cows and cutting through the bull. However, as none of them are scanning, I’ll refrain from that cheap political shot!

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Gary Strachan View All →

2 kids who've flown the nest, 1 wife whose flown with Jet2. Born at a young age in 1960's Leeds, the author became interested in the literary life when his wife bought him a dog. Having an allergy to dogs, he swapped it for a typewriter. Being unable to train the typewriter to retrieve tennis balls, he reluctantly turned to writing...... Website - www.writesaidfred.org

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