This morning, following cack-handedly spilling most of my coffee in the passenger foot well, I inadvertently stumbled upon an enticing new car air freshener.

I don’t think my accidental discovery will secure me investment backing on TV’s Dragons Den – However it certainly beats the aroma of kiddies vomit in the league table of car interior fragrances.

Everyone loves the smell of coffee, with the possible exception of the Garforth I Much Prefer Tea Association, who allegedly detest being downwind of percolating coffee beans.

The drinks bouquet attracts individuals like a sensory Pied Piper. A comfort blanket to the senses, which on first slurp renders it’s recipient to exclaim “Bloody hell, that’s hot!…. Hey barista, my mouth isn’t lined with chuffing asbestos, you slack get!”

j2coffeespill

 

I recently read in the magazine Coffee and Bread Marketing Monthly, a percolating jug of coffee or freshly baked bread are ‘go to’ kitchen aromas when attempting to sell your home.

Be warned, though, it’s not a fool proof strategy. A friend once followed that recommendation and had no luck shifting his domicile. That being said, though, he sold his kitchen for £200,000, so it wasn’t all bad news for the lad.

I’ve never utilised coffee scent as an inducement to buy my house. When selling my last house I went for a harder hitting marketing strategy. When prospective buyers arrived for a viewing, I’d greet them donning a t-shirt adorning the words ‘Buy my house or I’ll kill myself!’

It took a while but this eccentric strategy worked in the end. Although the way Karen attempted to repel those interested I was amazed of it’s success…….. My missus must have liked the old house more than I realised.

The coffee scent that now graces my car interior will not be joined by the equally alluring aroma of newly baked bread. This decision taken after checking with a car dealership, and finding the prohibitive cost of having a bread oven installed in the vehicle.

Changing the topic somewhat, since my father’s passing in October I’ve been having darker humour epiphanies than previously. For example, I recently wrote of wanting to be cremated when I pass; with a caveat of burial if I can think of a funny epitaph, akin to ‘I told you I was ill’ which adorns Spike Milligan’s grave.

This morning, from within my neurological corridors the epitaph I sought manifested itself. For the quip to work, though, I’d still have to be cremated. With this in mind, tomorrow I’m going to have my last Will and Testament amended; specifying I want a plaque on my ashes urn saying ‘I told you the heating was on too high’.

Some may say that my Will change is inappropriate, distasteful and inappropriate. Incidentally, I’m aware I wrote inappropriate twice in the sentence above; that’s to encompass readers who think my comment is very inappropriate!

Today is the 20th December – I’ve six more blogs to pen after this to reach the milestone of 1000 narratives published on writesaidfred.org ; a landmark I’m hoping to achieve before the end of the year.

Recently I decided, following the completion of my 1000th offering I’m going to cease writing blogs, with a view to undertaking an alternative literary project in the new year.

I’m concluding this narrative at this point. I’ll leave you with a topical tune from Francis Albert Sinatra.

4 Replies to “An Awful Lot Of Coffee….”

    1. I try write one everyday…. Never short of ideas, but I’m not finding writing them as fulfilling at minute. Thought 1000 nearly done and new year coming was a good time to try another literary challenge.

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